Verloren
by Calenlass Greenleaf1
Summary: You think you are ordinary, but then you realise how rich you truly are when everything is taken away from you. And, you start to take inventory in your head. Link, chapters 189—202. Three-chapter fic. Now completed.
1. Part I: The Last One in Line

**Title:** Verloren

**Author:** Calenlass Greenleaf

**Disclaimer:** Hoshino owns D. Gray-man. She also owns Link (even though I wish he were mine)

**Spoilers:** DGM in general, especially 201 and 202.

**Timeframe:** Part I: Summarises what Link was doing up to 200 and 201. Part II: Takes place between 201 and 202. Part III: Link and his issues, covering 202 and then some speculation.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warnings:** Spoilers, violence, angst, mild swearing. References to Central baddies who don't give a damn about anything except winning the war…etc. And Link obsession for Allen.

**Pairings:** Pretty-non existent, but perhaps a bit of Link/Tevak…which I started shipping ever since 201.

**Summary:** You think you are ordinary, but then you realise how rich you truly are when everything is taken away from you. And, you start to take inventory in your head. Link, chapters 189—202.

**A/N:** Part I was originally for a roleplay in which characters have dreams, and I had just updated Link from 189 to 201. Inspiration for this story came after rping out a possible scenario with Link and Allen, and finally after 202 came out.

…let's just say I'm pleased with myself that I predicted Link's reaction pretty well XD. *shuts up now*

* * *

_**Verloren**_

_Part I__: The Last One in Line_

Link let out his breath slowly. Even with the Ark, he was still far away from the where the branch was. But at least he could make it out in the distance.

Then came the explosion.

He didn't even have time to stare before Komui was shouting into his earpiece. "_This is Headquarters! What happened? What was that sound just now—?_"

"It wasn't us," he pressed a hand to the microphone, "an intense light—from afar…" And then the realisation set it. "Isn't that the direction of the North American Branch—?"

_Damn it…._ He usually didn't swear, but now was the perfect time for it. "Isn't there a reserve gate somewhere closer to the base?"

"_The gates closer…are in the barrier._" Komui sounded apologetic enough, but more frantic than anything.

Well, that would hardly help…Link gritted his teeth.

"_Can you deactivate it, Inspector?_"

"Do I look like a magician to you, Supervisor Lee?" Certainly he could use spells, but deactivating someone's magic wasn't in a Crow's line of work.

"_We can't reach them; communications are cut off—_"

"I can only do so much, and please stop yelling." He turned to face Tevak. "Can't you—"

Tevak knelt on the ground, a hand pressed her eye. Her body was shaking, and she didn't seem to hear him. A little irritated, Link returned to his conversation with Komui. "Supervisor, tell me that Allen Walker is at the North American Branch, at least."

"_He was headed there, the last I heard from him._"

_Just like Walker to leave without a word,_ he thought. "I will contact you once I am close enough to the barrier." And without waiting for a reply, he shut his communication device off.

"Tevak, get up."

She was still sitting there.

"…" With a hand, he reached down and took her arm. "Up," and he gently tugged until she stood, staring out blankly. When he started walking, she followed him, but with the same look on her face.

"Now is hardly the time for you to space out."

"Earl…"

He turned sharply around. "What?"

"Can't…forgive—" And she suddenly crumpled.

"Tev—"

"_Hee, hee._" That was all the warning he got, but it was enough so that he wrenched himself and Tevek behind a few rocks. A Level Four flew above them, grinning like all Level Fours did.

"_Mamori Bane!_" At this rate, he was going to run out of guardian spells. Coughing and almost choking on dust, he grabbed a handful of defensive spells. He wasn't even an Exorcist. Why was he…doing Exorcist work? Why were his fellow Crow even Third Exorcists, anyway?

…

He ducked a missile and rolled to one side, grimacing when he smashed his chin against a rock and made his lip bleed. Now was hardly the time to be thinking about this—

"_Inspector Link! Is the barrier around the North American Branch deactivated yet?_"

The device must have turned on… "This isn't the time for that!" he gritted out and he used Kureha Nenki and managed to land a punch on the Akuma. "_En ba!_" Link glanced over at Tevak. "Get it together, Tevak!" But…what was happening to her? There was…something coming out from her body—

The high-pitched laughter of the Level Four drew his attention. "It's pointless to resist! The dark matter that you were implanted with came from the Earl's soul, and now that Alma Karma's become an Akuma, you guys can't escape from the Earl's curse, either!"

It took a moment before he realised that the Akuma was talking about Tevak. Startled, he glanced at her. She was clutched her shoulders, breathing heavily and erratically.

"_It hurts._" she gasped. "It…_hurts._"

All the while, she was…morphing. It made him sick to look at; he usually wasn't nauseated, but this—

He grabbed her around the waist. "_Shibari Bane._" Taking a moment to seal Tevak and hopefully stop whatever was he happening, he turned to face the Akuma, only to discover a second one had joined it.

"_Zur Höllen dammit._" he spat out the curse as he readied himself to attack—

And then there was a bright light, but no explosion. He whirled around, only seeing…Timcampi, glowing.

"What the—?" He heard one of the Akuma screech. "I can't see!"

Well, neither could he… "Timcampi! How—" he shielded his eyes, ready to tell it to _stop glowing and—_

…

…

Did Timcampi just…

Yep, the golem was increasing in size. What was happening, he didn't even know and didn't want to know as he just…stared.

He vaguely realised that Timcampi was reciting something…

"Abara…ura…masaracato…barrier break!"

And just like that, he could see the barrier, further away, shattering.

"…" Well, that certainly worked. Out of the corner of his eye, Link saw the Level Fours reading their attacks, and he hurriedly ran back to the Ark, Tevek in one arm. He didn't even dare look at Timcampi lest his mind started wondering as to _what in God's name did Cross Marian do to his golem..._

The doors slammed behind them, he ran through the entire white-washed place.

"Bro…ther…"

Link's gaze darted down at the Third Exorcist. Her eyes glazed, and she didn't seem to have noticed anything. "Tevak," he tentatively began, but stopped himself. He really didn't understand what was going on. Just…why did Walker leave. Why Noah were appearing. Why Tevak this way. Then again, he was Crow. He was supposed to obey and not question.

But he hated being kept in the dark.

With a little more force than was necessary, he kicked a door open and ran down a passageway, taking the stairs by leaps. Finally, he found the door and grasped the handle, yanking hard. Link was met with a chaotic scene. The area was almost completely demolished, and he saw injured and dead people everywhere. But he had only eyes for Walker. Everything seemed to stop when he saw Allen, standing over Tokusa. There was…

Something wrong….

'_A strange scene began unwinding in my mind…where Brother and Tokusa were being killed by Allen Walker…_'

Tevak's words echoed in his mind, and he gritted his teeth, rage slowly building.

'_And then I saw myself…killing that Allen Walker._'

"Shibari Bane!" He lashed out and cast the seals, eyes hard. Link saw Allen Walker, turning around.

"Deactivate, Allen Walker!"

Allen Walker, not Walker. Now was hardly the time to sound more familiar.

_This isn't to say I believed Tevak's prediction,_ he thought as he set more seals around Allen, _but after these few months…after watching and being in contact with him for twenty-four hours a day, I of all people should know—_

_It isn't just his outer appearance._

_I can feel a cold, savage aura oozing out from within. A…definitely out of place feeling, considering the way he was up until now._

The sickening recognition had finally settled in.

_The awakening to the Fourteenth must've begun._

But it wasn't supposed to have happened…this soon.

Just…why had he used the binding spell instead of one of his explosive ones? The orders were that he was supposed to be killed…

Why?

To protect Tokusa and Madarao? Or to protect Walker?

But why can't it be both?

In any case, Allen was in danger of being…killed by Tokusa, if that _thing_ could be called such. Using the seals, he managed to drag the Exorcist away a little distance.

"Oww…let me go!"

…Walker could talk? When Allen raised his head, and Link could see that he had ripped the seal off with his teeth (these seals…they weren't quite so strong…). Allen's eyes were clear, no matter what dark aura he had seen before. They were burning with their usual ferocity, with the want to fight.

Why can't it be both…Tokusa and Allen?

_Is this how you feel about humans and Akuma, Walker?_

"I still might able to survive!"

His hesitation was clearly showing on his face, if Walker was saying that.

"_Link!_" For a brief moment, he almost wanted to consider releasing—

"Don't listen!"

Link reacted instinctively to that voice, straightening his spine and jerking his head toward Leverrier.

"Walker is out of control! Immobilise him and do not let him open that gate."

Walker…wanted to open the gate?

"_Do it now, Inspector Link!_"

_Link._

_Link._

They were all shouting his name.

God help him, just what was he supposed to choose? He wasn't supposed to have to make these decisions. He wasn't supposed to _feel this way._

"Brother…"

Startled, he glanced down at Tevak. The seals should be holding…

"Where are you…" She jerked, seals falling away. "Did he kill you—?"

And she wrenched away from him. "Brother!" she screamed. "Allen Walker!"

"Tevak—" But she was already gone. "Stop…damn it, the seals are already—" He couldn't even finish the thought before he saw Tevak activating her hand and rushed towards Walker.

He had no more guardian seals left. Link felt himself move forward when a giant golden sphere also went hurtling towards Walker. As if in slow motion, he watched as Tevak _bounced_ off Timcampi, and then everyone was looking at the golem.

"Timcampi? Huge…" someone murmured.

He felt the urge to cover his face. "We can worry about that later!" he snapped, but then he sensed something behind him—

"Tokusa, no!"

And Howard Link found that he couldn't move as that hand made as if to close around him. He readied himself for the crushing he would receive—

And then Tokusa was gone.

Just…like that. What on earth…

"He…disappeared?" Tevak's voice was soft and lost, drastically different from her earlier tone of voice. It was a tone of voice Link hadn't heard for a long time. "Brother…"

Link could only stare at her and at Allen, too shocked to say anything.

"Brother…" Tevak seemed ready to fall any moment. "Tokusa..Kiredori…Koushi…"

There was…something opening up under Tevak—it was familiar, but Link couldn't place what it was.

"Everyone…don't leave…Tevak alone."

…it had been even longer since she had last referred to herself in third person.

_The Earl's Ark._

Link's eyes widened when he finally recognised what was opening up, and he jumped down the ledge, skidding a little.

"Get away from there!" he heard Walker shout.

"Tevak!" He stretched out his hand to clutch her by her shoulder, her hair—_anything._

But his hand only closed around empty air.

_Brother Lin—_

That was the last thing he heard as he let his hand fall to his side. He barely perceived the Earl speaking until the mention of "rules."

"—we must to kill under the 'God' we've chosen tout~ And anything that strays from that path will not be tolerated~ If you seek power, then you must search for 'hearts~'."

God? Hearts?

Only then did he notice Madarao hanging loosely from one of the Noah's grasp.

…were they…all gone? From Tevak's words, it seemed to be the case.

"Oh, and to you who has done nothing but break the rules—"

Everyone looked at Allen, Link included.

"—I will come for you soon~ You can no longer live in that place, can you…?"

And the Noah were gone, just like that.

A deathly silence hung in the air.

He really was…the only one left out of the Crow he had grown up among.

_Why did you all...make the choice to be Thirds?_

_Why?_

Leverrier was barking orders at him, orders he found himself mechanically following.

"_you can no longer live in that place, can you…?_"

No, Allen Walker could not.

"Li—"

He made a sharp cutting motion with his arm. "Anything you say right now can be used against you." He drew out more seals as he bent over Allen.

"Don't…say anything," he found himself whispering.

_Don't give me another reason for me to kill you._

But Allen was looking away down at the ground. "Link," he said softly. "Just a little more would have been enough." The Exorcist shook his head. "I wanted you to trust in me. Tokusa—" Here his voice broke. "I'm sorry…"

He clipped the boy on the chin. "Not. another. damn. word." Link hissed out from between his teeth. "If that's all you have to say, I don't want to hear it."

_Save your apologies—I want to know what you have to say for yourself first._

Link refused to look at Allen as he hauled him up and began moving towards the Ark. He didn't want to see the emotions running through Allen's eyes, didn't want to think about all the emotions that were running amuck in his mind.

God, it had gone all wrong. And he didn't even know where to start blaming for everything.

_**TBC**_**…

* * *

**

**A/N:** "Don't give me another reason for me to kill you" –anything after that sentence was written after 202 came out.


	2. Part II: Be Your Own Worst Enemy

**A/N:** A couple flashbacks in this one and speculation on what happens between 201 and 202.

**Warnings:** Spoiler-heavy. Link angst. Mild violence. Link obsessing over Allen in a non-romantic way. IDK. A shower scene? *shot* I'm functioning on weird sleep this days, sorry. But nothing that would go over a PG-13. Minor Link/Tevak, I suppose. And me pushing Link to his limits. Or, I'm trying. /sob.

* * *

_Part II: Be Your Own Worst Enemy_

After he had dumped Allen into the hands of the nurses and gotten his own injuries treated, he had locked himself in the room he shared with the Exorcist…up to this point, that is. For the longest time, he sat on his bed, head in his hands. There was a chill in his room, and one that didn't come from the actual cold.

They had all gone in that instant. Tokusa mutated beyond recognition, Madarao unconscious, Tevak snatched away (his fingers scrabbling empty air), and Koushi and Kiredori confirmed as dead—one by Exorcist Lenalee Li, and the other by General Sokaro Winters. And the Thirds were going to be pawns who would eventually have to be killed if they needed to be redeemed. There was no way of getting them back, unless Walker gave them information as to where Kanda Yuu and Alma Karma went. Or the foolishly heroic route could be attempted to get them back—only to kill them out of pity. Either way, they would not be surviving.

How could it have been prevented? Either if he had come sooner, or maybe later.

But that wasn't the root of it all, was it?

It was him. He had followed the order to retrieve a fragment from the Akuma Egg, months ago, and then handed it over to his superior obediently. It was the final thing to make them Third Exorcists.

How many people knew that, he wondered, dropping one hand down to tug at the bandage on his arm. Seeing how Leverrier was nowhere near the egg, and how he had disappeared on and off from scene—they might be able to guess. Or maybe that was simply the guilt that was speaking to him; he couldn't really tell anymore.

But, he was also upset with Allen. For letting the Fourteenth appear like that. He didn't know all details, but he had a good idea—Allen had lost control of the Noah, and something had happened, Exorcist Kanda Yuu disappeared, along with someone called Alma Karma, and everything had gone to hell at that point. Because of Allen.

Just what could you have done to have prevented it, Walker? He wanted to ask. And just what do you have to say for yourself.

Link finally yanked the band from his hair, roughly dragging his fingers through the tangles as he got up to gather what things he needed for a shower. Not that showering was going to improve his mood, but—he didn't want to stare anymore at the blood on him. Blood that was his, Tevak's, and…Walker's.

Running his tongue gingerly over his bruised lip, he gave a brief glance at the mirror. Bruises on his arm, scratches…well, it wasn't as bad as his last encounter with Akuma. But he was somewhat startled by the exhaustion he was there. Was he truly so overwrought over the situation?

The shower room contained the usual amount of people; he ignored them as he stuffed his things in a drawer and started looking for an empty stall. The hushed conversations of others reached his ear, unbidden and unwanted.

"Did you hear that Allen Walker is in the custody of Central?"

"It must have been the Fourteenth…"

"But it's Allen…maybe that inspector who follows him said something."

"The Vatican's watchdog, eh?"

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"And Bookman and his apprentice have disappeared."

"Also Kanda…not that we miss him, but it's all so mysterious…"

He closed the stall door on the talking and turned the water to the highest temperature he could stand. Thank goodness for proper showers with good pressurised water; it took away some of the tight knots in his shoulders and other muscles.

It was hard to close his eyes, though. Every time he tried, he was forced to run scenes through his mind.

…Allen, looking wrong…

…Tevak, disappearing…

He could only shower as fast as he could before he shut the water off and dried off, roughly rubbing his hair with a towel. If he thought too hard about it, he could still see Allen's face in his mind as he apologised—

Link swept his hair into a loose ponytail, gritting his teeth. Lords, how was he going to get any sleep tonight with his thoughts like these? He retrieved his things and walked out of the place, intending to head for his room. A Crow member stopped him in the just outside.

"The Head Inspector is calling a meeting a week from today," the Crow told him. "In between that, he wants to get answers from Allen Walker as to the location of Yuu Kanda and Alma Karma. You're to hand in a report tomorrow morning at ten."

"Tell him I can't promise answers, at this rate," he tersely replied.

"But—"

"Allen Walker can be extremely uncooperative when he wants to be. I suggest if he wants answers, he wait longer." But no, Leverrier was not going to wait longer, was he?

"…am I supposed to tell him that, sir?"

He snapped. "Tell him whatever you want—I'm doing my job, yes? I can only do so much." Almost snarling out the last part, he strode past the Crow and slammed the door on him. That was the only good thing about being a personal assistant—the authority. Link pressed his back against the door, thunking his head hard against the wood.

Back to sitting on the bed, staring at nothing. He couldn't even make his thoughts quiet long enough for him to write a proper report. Out of agitation, he started running his fingers through his hair, tugging.

'_Why is your hair longer than mine, it's not fair!'_

'_I'm not the one who got it burnt off.'_

'_Well, I'm going to burn yours off so they're the same length.'_

'_Don't you dare, do that, Tevak!'_

He snagged on a tangle and jerked, feeling his scalp sting when golden-coloured strands fell onto his palm. Tevak's hair was close to the shade of his, but just a bit paler. Softer, too…

'_Your braid is crooked.'_

'_No, it isn't.'_

'_Not if you look at from the front, but in the back, it's quite crooked.' Hands tugged at his braid and loosened it. 'Here.'_

'_I didn't give you permission to touch my hair—' A pinch on his neck silenced him._

'_I need help with my hair, but all the others are away.' He glanced over at her unruly, tumbling curls._

'_I won't tell if you won't.'_

'…_fine.' Tug. 'Link, you and hair—I don't understand.'_

"I don't, either," he muttered, before realising he was talking to himself. But…

'_Walker, comb your hair. And you should get it cut.'_

'_Link, you needn't be so fussy. I'll get it cut in time.'_

'_Don't make me do it for you.'_

_Grey eyes widened. 'You'd cut my hair? I'd be ever so grateful for that, Link.'_

Never again would he be able to have stupid, mundane conversations. No more arguing about stupid things, either. No more nicknames…

Ah, wonderful how it all suddenly hit him. He gritted his teeth, telling himself he was simply tired and not in his right mind. Closed his mind against the influx of emotions that, if he thought on, would threaten to spill over. But as he flicked the lights off and yanked the covers over himself, he wondered if he was actually in his right mind now, and not before.

*:*:*:*:*:*:*

Once his report had been submitted (after a sleepless night and shredding far too much paper), he made his way to area he knew Allen was kept. Various people from the Science Department had approached him and asked after Allen, but he only replied he couldn't say.

But he could feel their resentment in their words, and their gazes bored into his back as he walked away. And they had every right to—he was, after all, the one who stopped Allen. Yes, him. The one first assigned to watch the Exorcist they all had their hopes pinned upon. Everyone looked him and treated him like the watchdog he was.

As it was, his mood wasn't improved at all as he went down various stairs until he reached Allen. Waited for the door to unlock. And then stalked in.

Link moved past Timcampi—still huge—and glanced at Allen. The Exorcist didn't even acknowledge him with a glance.

"Walker."

No answer. No movement.

"Allen Walker, I know you're conscious. It won't do any good ignoring me."

Allen finally raised his head, but he kept his gaze blank. Not giving anything away was he?

He folded his arms and stared back.

"…"

"…"

"…how long are you going to do that?" The boy finally asked.

"As longs as you want to take in telling us his location."

Grey eyes looked away at that.

More silence. He noticed the food on the table. "Are you starving yourself?"

"No," Allen shook his head. "There might be truth serum in it…"

Unlikely, Link knew. They hadn't even gone that far. "There isn't."

"You're the one saying it."

A jibe, was that? His jaw tightened at the accusation. "You're not going to live very long with eating," he tersely said. "Your Innocence—"

"Restricted. I don't feel hungry, anyway"

"…"

Never before had their conversations been so stilted. He drew in a deep breath, trying to quell the impatience and frustration inside of him.

"Just what is going to make you talk, Walker?" He was steeling himself for the next few words he had to say. "Central could choose to be more forceful. I'm sure you know what it's capable of." Of course, it was infamous to everyone who had been acquainted long enough with the Order. "It's necessary that they know where Exorcist Kanda Yuu is, and—"

"You mean, you'd be the one to do all that."

"Who says?"

"That's your job, isn't it?"

He almost reached over to shake Allen by the shoulders, but he didn't. Instead, he stood up and glared. "You'd best think about what you're going to say. They're not going to give up on this that easily."

And with that, Link strode out. Silently fuming.

Did Allen have to be on spot with the truth? Link had every power to attain answers. But he wasn't using them right now.

Turning a corner, he almost crashed into someone, and only stiffly nodded his head before continuing his walk back to his room.

Why couldn't he? Because of the months he had known Allen?

Or something else?

No answers—he was sick of it.

Link let out a soft, self-deprecating laugh. But that was all he was good for, yes? Following orders dutifully. Doing his job. Not questioning anything. That was how he was supposed act. And he was damn good at it, too.

But as he shut the door behind him, and stood in front of the mirror, he wondered if he could actually look at himself in the eye…

Not really. His gaze drifted to the ribbon and insignia on the collar of his shirt, and then to the badge on coat. Fingers reached up to touch the ribbon. Hadn't he been so proud, the day he was allowed to put it on? So very proud of his accomplishment. He didn't have to choose to be a Third Exorcist in order to achieve a goal. But now that it was achieved, he couldn't help but realise how _empty_ it was at the moment.

Maybe he ought to just call himself sadistic that he like seeing emotions in people. How they reacted in certain situations. How…humans were so self-protective when they were on the verge of dying. Begging not to be killed, or begging for a quick death. They hardly ever went quietly. If they did, they went with absolute hate in their eyes, cursing him.

And so he was cursed so many times. An eye for an eye, a tooth or a tooth. He had long since learnt to ignore insults like that.

And how would Allen go, if it…came to that? Link knew the answer for himself already. Quietly. Resigned.

Feeling the ridiculous urge to punch something, he almost hit the mirror, but thought better of that, and punched the wall instead. Hard. His knuckles were only slightly protected from the gloves he worse, and the stinging sensation traveled up his arm as he stepped back.

He…didn't want things to come to that.

He didn't want…to kill Allen Walker.

Trying to tell himself that the verdict hadn't even been decided didn't ease his mind the least bit. Because it would be inevitable—everyone except him had seen the Fourteenth. And then Allen had defied orders….

And the Thirds were gone.

He sucked a few breaths in, loudly. That was…the source of his anger. Allen. And the Thirds. And the situation that had become like this.

Why did Allen have to be so….damn stubborn in his way of thinking? Daunting…not in a pushy way, but in a way that could make him (who was supposed to be right) feel _he_ was in the wrong.

It wasn't as if Allen didn't know about the consequences. But he still chose to do things his way.

Why…or who…

…

Very few people could do that. Ignore things because they had the will to believe their way was better. Or that they looked at the impossible and want to make it impossible.

Link turned away from the mirror, holding his aching hand and now wanting to bang his head against something.

Instead, he sat down and began writing. Mindless, emotionless writing. Drivel for the stupid report he had to give in a few days.

If there was anything to give.

*:*:*:*:*:*:*

Two days of this, and there were still no answers. In fact, Allen simply looked asleep (or half-dead). And he still wasn't eating. It wasn't just with Link; others sent to question him couldn't come up with anything, either. To say that Link was frustrated would be an understatement. Either Central would order him to take drastic measures, or Allen was going to die from not eating, or the enemy would be making their move.

None of which he wanted.

"Is this what you wanted," he asked wearily; it was the last day before he had to give his report. It was straining on him and he was growing sick of all of it. "To put all of us in this position? To make yourself appear the martyr, is it? You might be one of the best Exorcists, but you're still supposed to submit to authority." Supposed to. "And you don't."

"So you're saying that most of this was my fault?" Allen raised his eyes—all right, Link was slightly gratified to see he wasn't the only one losing sleep—in askance. "I don't know how much I could prevent, if that's what you're saying."

"It's not as if I'm accusing you of everything, but yes—I think you might have been able to prevent _a lot_ of things." That was meant to jab, and he could tell it did.

"Maybe so, but I'm…" A pause, and a nervous chuckle. "I'm not…God, or anything." And then Allen was shaking his head. "But I've done what I've done—I don't regret it."

Don't regret it.

He saw red. "Don't regret it?" You can't say that. Not when Link himself has so many things he can regret. "No, not even failing to save the Thirds?" They. Were. Gone. Gone and never coming back. Or if they did, they would have to be put down.

Link finally did seize the Exorcist by his shirt, hauling him up a bit. "Don't tell me you don't regret that."

This finally got a reaction out of Allen. "I tried!" he retorted. "It's not as if I hadn't…."

He probably could have hit Allen then and there, but…

Where had he been in all of this?

It should have been him trying to help those that, that were…

But it had been him in the beginning…he had followed orders…

Link ended up loosening his grip on Allen's shirt, and with a curt, "I'm reporting tomorrow; you best hope your luck holds," he left the place.

He had forgotten.

Memories of his time before he was Crow—they had been pushed so far back. Before Central. Before the Third's decisions.

Allen had tried. He…had done nothing. Rather, he knew what Allen had been saying…a possible chance. All he had done was hesitate during a crucial moment.

Done nothing.

… so, a lot of this anger was toward himself, huh. Link climbed the long stairs, steps loud and slow. Tired. He could no longer figure out what he wanted, where he stood, or who he was anymore. It was too hard to understand. He could only understand how much he hated himself in this instant. So much that he could taste it and he…almost wishes he and the Thirds hadn't been taken in by Central. But then…where would they be? …and…where would Allen be? Someone else would be assigned to watch. Someone not as conflicted, yes, but someone…who conformed more to the orders.

And so he clenched his fists, schooled his features back to impassiveness, and went to write the report.

**TBC…

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**

**A/N:** After these new DGM chapters, I wonder exactly what makes Link cry. Or what would break him, anyway. *speculates away*


	3. Part III: Failed Attempts to Fly

**A/N:** Final part. I can't afford to speculate too much; my last fic already did that XD. And this is written as if 203 hadn't come out yet because I had intended to write it before it came out, but…you can tell I didn't make it. :/ I decided against putting 203 in this because it would be too hard to work it in.

* * *

_Part III: Failed Attempts to Fly_

'_Link…just a little more would have been enough. _

'_I wanted you to trust in me. Tokusa—I'm…sorry…_

'…_sorry…'_

"Inspector Howard Link!"

"Y-yes? Excuse me." He had been zoning out; no sleep at all last night for him was catching up fast.

"Your report, please."

Ah, yes, his pathetic report.

"How is Allen Walker's condition? Is he still refusing to cough up the location of the Third Exorcists?"

…Third Exorcists? Weren't they asking about Kanda Yuu and Alma Karma? The Thirds— "Y-you are…" Komui Lee and Bak Chan were glaring at him.

"Please continue with your report, Inspector Link!" Years of training prevented him from flinching. Even if it was Leverrier.

Report, report… "He…he is completely silent." Half the truth. "Over the past few days, Walker hasn't answered a thing during his interrogations." Nothing valuable to Central, anyway. "He isn't even awake at most times." Because… "fearing that truth serum may be mixed into his food, he has accepted nothing but water."

Were they going to press for more—

"That sly Satan."

He froze. Satan? That was going too far…but that wasn't just what the other was saying…

"We must make him understand his current position." Link listened numbly, dreading and know where this was going. "Even with his stomach pierced like that, he's showing no signs of breaking. Perhaps we should consider using rougher methods…"

He was holding his breath, waiting for the inevitable words.

"If I may." Eyes turned onto Zhu. "Kanda Yuu died together with Alma Karma."

Everyone gave pause. "He will not return." Zhu shook his head. "In these past days, a strange rust has covered Mugen." He held up the Innocence sword; indeed, it seemed rusted…with feathers. "This must be proof that it has lost its compatible."

Link's gaze darted from the man to the high-ups. Would this argument work?

"Walker is merely trying…to protect the will of his allies." Zhu continued. "If anything, we should be giving him mercy…"

No, you're asking too soon, Link was tempted to say.

"Zhu Mei-Chan!"

"Y,yes sir?"

"Silence."

Link gulped the best he could. Did that mean…no mercy at all for Allen?

"It is important that we get back Alma Karma and kill him so that we can then move on to gain the Third Exorcists back…either by force, or maybe we ought to sent Exorcists out to put them down lest the Earl use them."

Put…them down.

He swallowed again and decided it was now or never that he tried to say something. "If I may," he slowly put in, forcing more confidence in his voice than he really felt. "I think we might be moving too fast." Don't look directly at anyone yet…especially not your superior.

"Explain."

"If the Earl truly was seeking after the Fourteenth, urgently—he would have come by now. It's been almost a week." Seeing how they were still listening, he tried to relax his tight shoulders, just a bit. "The last time he wanted something, he waited a far shorter period before sending Noah to retrieve the Egg. Besides—" His palms were sweaty inside the gloves. "We still don't fully understand either the Earl's will, or the Fourteenth's."

A pause. They were…actually still listening. Link hurried on. "I would say…give me another week to question Walker. He can't keep this up that long." Actually, he could, but this was the best he could do at buying however little time he could get.

"Why should we wait that long? You could use—"

"I'd rather not." Ah…don't interrupt so soon. Thank goodness he thought fast. "Walker doesn't work like that." _Grimace, as if in disgust._ "In fact, such measures only resolve more to not say anything. What is needed to make him talk…it's a different method and it takes time."

He was definitely looking away at Komui and Bak.

"Five days, Inspector Link, and then if he still isn't talking, we might have to consider termination."

…if only he were sure he would do it. "Understood." He nodded and saluted smartly.

There, he had tried. Buying time.

And feeling as if he were still falling short.

*:*:*:*:*:*:*

Jerry eyed him suspiciously. "It is just in his head, or are you really putting stuff in it, Inspector." He waved a pan at Link. "I won't have all of you spoiling my food."

He gritted his teeth. "I assure, no-one has tampered with his food. It's all in his mind."

"The poor kid…" Jerry sighed. "I missed him and his insane orders of food." Were those tears he was seeing? "But here you go—one bowl of rice gruel. This one should be a-OK!"

"That's it?"

"You have to build it up! After not eating for several days, you eat too fast, you could die from overeating." The cook waved a finger in Link's face. "When he asks for more, tell me and I'll make it."

"Thank you." Link took the bowl and curtly turned.

"Inspector!"

"…yes?"

"I'm just curious," The other propped his chin in his hand. "Why are you doing this? For Central because they don't want him to die too soon, or—"

Why, indeed. Link shrugged. "Everyone simply wants him to return," was all he said as he walked away. Past the people sitting around a table, shooting glares at him. Or, giving incomprehensible looks he couldn't return.

But it was true.

Yes, even he wanted that.

Once downstairs, he decided he had had enough of this passive, stilted awkwardness. He curtly nodded at the guards. "Get down."

"Huh-? Uh, yes, sir." The guard stepped away after unlocking the door, and Link kicked it open. All right, maybe that was a little dramatic, but he was in the mood to do that. And at least he made kicking a door while holding a bowl of food look dignified. Somewhat.

"Leave me alone with him for a bit." He said to the Crow. He could sense Allen watching him. "Keep watch outside."

"Yes, sir."

Once the door shut behind him, he turned his cold look on Allen.

Allen looked at him docilely enough, if not nervously.

Link strode over to stand in front of him, holding the bowl out. And then, he unceremoniously smashed the bowl against Allen's head. Ignoring the Exorcist's yelp, he shoved the bowl and a spoon at him.

"This is Head Chef Jerry's rice gruel. I had him make it so that even a _cautious_ person like you would eat it." He walked over and plonked himself down at the table. "Central has done nothing with your food, _so eat._" Honestly, he was so very frustrated and the frustration was manifesting itself like this. He turned in the chair and supported his head on his hand, looking anywhere except at Allen.

For a few minutes, there was nothing but the sound of ceramic against ceramic. And then he heard Allen's voice. "Link."

The first time since Allen had said it name.

"I'm sorry for attacking you back then."

…that was it?

Link looked back. "…just when I thought you were finally going to speak," he banged his fist against the table. "_that's all you have to say?_"

The boy looked away, scratching his cheek in embarrassment. Link simply stared at him until a sort of "what do you expect me to say" look appeared on Allen's face, and he was tempted to hit Allen over the head again.

…

Except he couldn't. Allen had asked for his trust, but…he hadn't given it. If…they were going to get anywhere, he probably should try. And then the anger evaporated.

"We were like family," he finally began, turning away again. "Having lost our parents, we grouped together and went to beg at churches." Surprised, Allen? You weren't the only one who lived on he streets. "Tevak and Kiredori were still young then. We just…naturally protected each other, together."

How he had almost forgotten those days.

"In order to survive, we were taking in by an underground organisation." Or the organisation that recruited Crow. "And at some point became like puppets." Link swallowed. This was him, revealing a bit of himself to Allen.

"The one…should really atone for the Thirds Exorcists is me." Not you. Not even the scientists. Not even the Thirds themselves. They might've made the choice, but— "I…I gave the Egg fragment to Leverrier."

He heard Allen sigh. "Ahh…this is really bad."

What? Link's gaze went back to the other.

"Hearing that now, I think I could have become better friends with the Thirds." Soft rustling as Allen shifted in his seat. "Once I found out they were half-Akuma, I adopted a feeling close to hatred. And so…the possibility for change had I known more was there.

"Kanda and Alma…might have possibly survived." Regret? Possibly. But now Link wished he hadn't said those things. "Not knowing…is a scary thing, isn't it?"

By now, he was looking fully at Allen.

…_yes, it is scary, _he wanted to say. But he couldn't bring himself to say it.

And there was so many things he didn't know. Like himself. What was he supposed to do—

The sound of ceramic shattering made him jerk upright, and he saw Allen spasming. "Walker—"

"Ah?" The Exorcist was tipping over. "Link—?" he murmured before his eyes began to shut.

"Walker!" Link was out of the chair and reaching out to catch Allen before he hit his head against the ground. "What are you—"

Funny how in one brief moment, he realised he cared. It wasn't about what Central wanted, or what he wanted—it was genuine want to see Allen all right…

Hands supporting Allen, he knelt there, wondering if things would ever be all right. Back to normal. But as the Cardinal came over and Link questioned him as to why he was where, he found he already knew the answer to that.

They…would somehow be better in time. They would win. But not without Allen. And not with him standing where was right now. He…was going to have to make his choice in time: Allen, or the Order.

And it was sooner than he had anticipated it.

_**Ende**_.

* * *

**A/N:** Um…I kind of love Link too much.

Chapter titles taken from various songs. Part I—Breaking Inside by Shinedown, Part II—Never Surrender by Skillet, and Part III—Meant to Live by Switchfoot.

_Thank you for reading and reviewing!_

_**~Cal**_


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